Monday, January 26, 2009

Superior Christian morality!

Ted Haggard's back in the news. This time, it's been revealed that his megachurch New Life knew full well of Haggard's homosexual proclivities, and that, in addition to the gay drug-dealing male prostitute situation, they paid a 20-year-old church volunteer a bunch of hush money to keep him from telling anyone about his own assignations with Haggard. Of course, the church wants you to think it wasn't hush money.

"This was compassionate assistance. It was to help him move forward, not a settlement to keep him quiet," said [Brady] Boyd, senior pastor at New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Uh huh. Just some "compassionate assistance" to a young guy who happened to be in a position to embarrass the church publicly with news about some pillow biting with the pastor. Unless Boyd is implying that all of the church's young members get "compassionate assistance" to pay their college tuition, moving expenses, and, uh, counseling, as a matter of course, and that this guy was no different than any other church member in that regard.

But wait, no, that can't be the case, can it? Because the article also reveals that this "compassionate assistance" came as the result of a settlement between the church and the young man's attorney.

So we have a pastor abusing his position of power for sexual favors, a church lying about the incident as well as their reasons for settling with the young man in question...gosh, it all just seems so wrong...somehow!

But wait, I forgot. I'm an atheist, and so I don't have any valid "objective standards" for determining right or wrong. So I guess all this is okay, then. I guess it'll just be easier if I remember the mantra: if Christians do it, it's moral. Hey, that rationale worked for Nixon: "If the president does it, it's not illegal." Right? Right. And let's not forget the second mantra either: Do as we preach, not as we do. Life is suddenly so much easier, isn't it?


  1. "pillow biting?" It's such a weak slur I almost wasn't insulted by it.

  2. Excellent post.

    Here in Arkansas a church wanted to move in next door to a strip club that had already been in the plaza for years. That superior mentality, the "we're xtians so we're better than you and everyone knows it so we will win" attitude is what propelled the pastor of said church to city hall, after moving in, to try and get the club kicked out of their space.

    What did city hall say?

    "They were there first. Deal with it."

    So now, they just pray to their imaginary friend to do something about it.

    This particular plaza isn't the best looking row of storefronts and my guess is that the church is broke and signed the lease, not being able to get anything else but was pretty certain that jesus (and the law) would side with them.

    Epic Fail ..

    And I love it!

  3. Hmmm.... for a "non-denominational" church they do seem to be modeling themselves after Catholics.

  4. Not being American i've not seen much of the lovely Ted, my first encounter with him was the Richard Dawkin's TV interview where he gave me the impression he was a sly, devious, untrustworthy and even scary man. Subsequently finding out what he's been upto makes me laugh so much I burst !

  5. After thinking long and hard about this, I came to a conclusion that I just had to stand erect and make my voice heard from the deepest pit of my bowels.

    But I stand straight and salute that Fabulous Ted, for all his work in the face of stiff opposition to all of his work getting behind his parishioners and letting them know the thrust of his beliefs.

    And the church! Standing up in such a manly fashion, sticking their chests out with pride as they get a grip on these events, and beat off Satan, protecting their youth.

    // anyone have a smoke?

  6. Hmmm.... for a "non-denominational" church they do seem to be modeling themselves after Catholics.

    Darnit Chris! You beat me to it! I was going to make the same observation.

  7. @Ticklish

    I think it's funny that these people's reaction as Christians is to get all "ew ew ew icky!" and want them to go away. I'm not a Christian myself, but I've read the gospels for humanities courses and I think it's pretty clear what Jesus would actually do in that situation. I think he'd relish the opportunity with these people and "show them the way". But what do I know, I'm just an evil evolutionist darwinist secularist god-hating atheist nihilist communist with absolutely no sense of right and wrong.

  8. Is it ironic that the people who spend the most time screaming at us about "absolute morality" and how evil WE are because we don't believe as they do, always turn out to be terrible people? And their supporters always help with the cover-up, while still pointing their fingers at the rest of us?

  9. @Joe:

    "ironic" is one word you could use, but I prefer "maddeningly idiotic"

  10. For those of you who have HBO (I do not) and would like to follow Ted's saga a little more, "The Trials of Ted Haggard" premieres tomorrow. It sounds a little interesting, but only if you want to risk feeling sorry for him and his family.

    Here's an article, I found online, about it:

  11. But what do I know, I'm just an evil evolutionist darwinist secularist god-hating atheist nihilist communist with absolutely no sense of right and wrong.

    And we wouldn't want you to be anything else!

  12. These days it's almost like shooting fish in a barrel. They practically paint targets on themselves.

  13. This is off-topic--you don't even need to let it out of moderation, if you don't want to. I'd just like to suggest putting a "Recent Comments" widget up on the sidebar. Blogger has at least one available, and other sites (like BlogU) provide alternate options. It'd make it much easier to follow the comment threads around here.

  14. FYI: somebody just tried to leave a comment here. The name was "MrFreeThinker," but his writing style sounded identical to Rhology's. I moderated it out.

    Rhology, get a damn life. You suck at satire.

  15. Hahaha, I'll bet that WAS Rhology.

    Rhology: "Hmmm...must think of a nickname to trick the darwinists...."

    Rhology = teh fail.

  16. MrFreeThinker has been running around The Bronze Blog for a couple of weeks now. I'm inclined to think he's not Rhology because Rhology's posted elsewhere under his regular handle at the same time MrFreeThinker has been stupiding up Bronze Dog's comments.

    Of course, Rhology really could just be that lame. It is entirely possible.

  17. Tom: I'll consider that.

    Kazim: I admit that my headline here was in part a little Rhology-bait, unfair as he's in the moderation doghouse right now. But if he did try to sockpuppet himself on here, it would be kind of predictable. I know the whole morality topic is a real bugbear for him.

  18. Of course, Rhology really could just be that lame. It is entirely possible.

    I don't think MrFreeThinker and Rhology are the same. He just doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would do that. Besides, Rhology has a very big ego. He wants the attention, and he would be upset if his sock puppet got more attention than he did under his own nom de blog.

  19. I love it when they use monikers like "MrFreeThinker". Last year, Hemant posted a picture of a road sign that a fundie had on his home page; he'd Photoshopped it to say, "Caution: Open Minds Ahead".

    They have absolutely no sense of irony.

  20. For crying out loud! Why couldn't I get shtupped by a rich pastor when I was a kid. You'd be amazed at the things I'd shove in my mouth (or rectum, your choice) for a taste of that sweet, sweet compassionate assistance.

  21. Uh, thanks for sharing, Jack.

  22. Oh, geez! Martin!

    Sorry, uh, Mr. Wagner, sir. I, for the life of me, don't know from whence such filth sprung.

    My next post will be the quill, you'll see!

    - Jack


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