Thursday, July 02, 2009

"Cracked" on who doesn't rule the world

With my well known love of insane conspiracy theories, how can I not pass along this article?

5 Pathetic Groups That People Think Rule the World

It even has lizard people!


  1. Some of these conspiracy theories are real. I saw it on YouTube!

    Have you seen "Zeitgeist" yet? Or "Zeitgeist II: Electric Boogaloo" or even "Zeitgeist III: I Spent All This Money on Editing Software, Instead of Moving Out of My Mom's Garage!"

    Mock now, but when Obama's real birth certificate is found, and shows that his mother was a Rockefeller, his father was a Freemason, and he was born on the Lizard People planet. Then you'll be sorry!

  2. I found this website through one of the videos on that article. And it is hilarious. Under the section called "Man's Greatest Lie" the author uses some interesting logic, "You people claim that you need proof in order to believe something. OK, great. That's perfectly understandable. However, in actuality, YOU ARE LYING. What you really mean is that you need proof only when it comes to believing this information. Whereas, you don't need proof in order to believe an authority figure."

    Apparently, we all only believe things that authority figures tell us. He goes on to say that we worship that authority and that we shouldn't believe science or religion because the lizard people invented both of them, and therefore they obviously can't be disproved by them. Of course! Why didn't I think of it before?

  3. I watched the video linked toward the end of the article that says it shows Bush Sr's slitted reptilian pupils. The part of it I found interesting is that the "slits" were always vertical, regardless of the angle of his head. If it's not a reflection, then he's got... self-leveling reptilian eyes! OMG!!

  4. OMG Ray!! OMG OMG!!1! Do you know what that means???!

    I don't either, but I'm sure we can make something up.

  5. "If it's not a reflection, then he's got... self-leveling reptilian eyes! "

    Well it's not unprecedented. The horizontal pupils of cephlapods naturally orate themselves to align with the horizon regardless of body orientation.

  6. I looked up David Icke in Wikipedia:

    "In 1999, he published The Biggest Secret, in which he wrote that the Illuminati are a race of reptilian humanoids known as the Babylonian Brotherhood, and that many prominent figures are reptilian, including George W. Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, Kris Kristofferson, and Boxcar Willie."

    Now, who could possibly argue with that?

  7. I know they aren't responsible for the ads (they are through google), but reading about the batshit insane "theories" and then seeing an ad for "how to attract anything in 30 days, by Wayne Dyer (dryer?)" just took the cake.

    Of course, this article is all part and parcel of the real group that rules the world in their scheme to discredit those who seek to reveal the conspiracy. It all makes sense! I'm the keeper of the cheese, and you are the lemon merchant!

  8. Austin's own conspiracy nut, Alex Jones, gets a mention! Wheee!

  9. I just went to read the article and came across some serious Fail...
    The random ad in the side was for Scientology!!!


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