Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Boobquake is Coming!

An Iranian cleric has discovered the cause of catastrophic earthquakes, and it's not plate tectonics after all. Nope, it's women's immodesty. According to Hojjat ol-eslam Kazem Sediqi,

"Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes," he explained.

Huh. Who knew my girls were so dangerous. I have to admit that when I first heard about this, my initial response was to keep them under wraps. I just didn't want to be responsible for all that human suffering. Since then, Jen McCreight over at Blag Hag has convinced me that an experiment is necessary to test this new theory. The experiment must, of course, be photographed.

Boobquake 2010 will take place on April 26th. On that date, you are encouraged to show as much or as little cleavage as you have. If you prefer not to show cleavage, Mr. Sediqi warns that tight-fitting clothing will piss off Allah as well. He issues the following admonishment:

"What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble? There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam's moral codes," he said.

Let's give this a fair test, shall we? I say we all get out there and rock the planet on April 26th. I should also point out that women going shirtless is technically not illegal in Austin - but feel free to engage in your preferred brand of immodesty and unrepentant degeneracy that day.

Oh, one last thing - science requires that observations be repeatable, so we might have to do this again next year. Just sayin'.

33 comments:

  1. As someone who works on a university campus, I should point out that this experiment is performed every year, when it gets warm enough to shed that heavy (but modest) winter clothing.

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  2. Let me be the first to say -- in as chaste and gentlemanly a manner as I can -- bring it on.

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  3. I'm a heterosexual woman and when I buy clothes for myself, I buy stuff from the men or male youth's department and sometimes I try to pick out the least tacky of women's clothes. Does my wearing of clothes meant to be worn by men cause earthquakes according to Islam?

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  4. If I may, I'd like to create a Facebook Events page for this. Do I have your permission?

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  5. This is no good!
    The volcanic cloud is between you girls in Austin and me here in London. I'm just going to have to hope for pictures, all in the name of science of course. And if your experiment does anger the volcano, they may just be the last piece of happiness I get...

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  6. "Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes"

    To be fair, what Sediqi actually concludes is that adultery leads to earthquakes. I expect there to be a related event to Boobquake, perhaps called "Forniquake"?

    Never having been married, every time I have sex it's a sin; so I'll go all Deepak Chopra and apologize for any lamps I may have broken in the past (and in the future, Imshallah).

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  7. This is a cheap islamophobic shot.

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  8. That's what the guy gets for a cheap misogynistic shot.

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  9. And... Mikhail wins the PC Idiot Award for defining criticism and/or mockery of something as "phobic."

    Come on down and get your prize, Mik!

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  10. Oh I can be the first one to sujest a name for this model of earthquakes?

    "The Tittonic Plate theory"

    Islamic Apologist Moron says: "This is a cheap islamophobic shot."

    I'd offer to play you a song on the world's smallest violin...but I'm pretty sure by these people's rules that would earn the death penalty.

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  11. @ Mikhail

    "This is a cheap islamophobic shot."

    I'm willing to give the guy the benefit of doubt and say that he may have simply forgotten to indicate sarcasm.

    Mikhail, if you're being sarcastic you might want to let everyone in on it.

    If you're not being sarcastic, I need to ask you why you think this nonsense is even worth defending? Because nobody here is buying the victimhood ploy.

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  12. Is there any criticism that would not be considered "-phobic"? Why do religions think they are protected from criticism? This even suggests that observing obvious moral failure is somehow a weakness in us, the ones who notice it! Preposterous. Why have people allowed this for so long? Well besides the fear of being ostracized or blown up? (oops, I did it again, didn't I?)

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  13. Ya know, I'm getting a little tired of the rampant Klanophobic remarks around here. Leave the racists alone, folks. Not cool.*
    .
    .
    .
    .
    *Yes, this is sarcasm. ;)

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  14. The other day I saw a woman breastfeeding in public. Fifteen minutes later I got a flat tire. We must put an end to this!

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  15. Mark is right, Jen. Cleavage is nice and all, but for the experiment to hold water, you'll have to bag yourself a married man. Perhaps not the plunge you had in mind.

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  16. Wouldn't it make more sense to pray to Allah for an early death, whether by earthquake or whatever, so that you can get into his kingdom before you have any more chances to sin?

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  17. I'm an atheist, but I hope these girls DO create an earthquake on the 26th. Just imagine the jiggleage!

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  18. Hey Ing
    "The Tittonic Plate theory" it is. Brilliant mate - up here on the edge of the known world, we have a lot of trouble with plates, especially when they are moved and dinner lands in our laps.

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  19. @ Christ on Ice

    "for the experiment to hold water, you'll have to bag yourself a married man."

    I'm concerned that Jen abandoning her same-sex ways for a heterosexual relationship, however illicit, may skew the results of the experiment.

    Clearly more study is in order.

    LOL, the confirmation word is "squidant"...

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  20. I find it hard to correlate adultery with earthquakes... I mean... Srsly?

    Does he have a device we don't know about?

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  21. My FB account is unavailable due to maintenance - very weird. I got on and my posts have disappeared, no recent posts. Have I been hacked???
    Boobquake Vancouver shakes first victim? Anybody out there know about these things as in funny stuff happening on FB?

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  22. Check it out - Jen McCreight's little post made it all the way to the front page of CNN.com... nice!

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  23. @ChristOnIce - given the Iranians' level of homophobia, I'm pretty sure just bagging my significant other on Monday will prove sufficiently tremor-inducing. ;-)

    And guys, you're not off the hook on this. You're capable of dressing immodestly.

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  24. "And guys, you're not off the hook on this. You're capable of dressing immodestly."

    QUICK ROBIN, TO THE BANANA WARMERS!

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  25. Folks, the sight of THIS guy dressed immodestly would make earthquakes seem like the least of your problems...

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  26. "Folks, the sight of THIS guy dressed immodestly would make earthquakes seem like the least of your problems..."

    RELEASE THE CRACKREN!

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  27. DEAR GOD ITS HERE! WHAT HAVE WE DONE! WE WERE FOOLS TO PEPPER IN GODS LOMEIN!

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  28. In service to science, reason, mankind, the separation of church and state and fuzzy kittens everywhere... I am remaining covered.

    You are welcome, people of Earth.

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  29. #boobquake - The Real-time Twitter Image stream @ http://twitcaps.com/s/%23boobquake

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  30. Have you seen the sketch comedy video about Boobquakes on YouTube? :-D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51lCoQtg9SI

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