Thursday, August 19, 2010

Fan mail, I guess

"How big a man are you or woman to go and attack the memorials set in
place for the men and women who have died protecting this great
nation, that has even protected your rights to be idiots.When the
families come with the torches and pitchforks they will even protect
you and after they are killed you will spit on them because you
wouldnt want to see the cross that reminds you that you are a sinner
and you will burn in hell. Unless you change your ignorant
ways.regardless the Christians put up with a bunch of your ignorance
but we only have 2 cheeks Lord says I have to turn the other cheek and
I will but dont forget how many we have this is not a threat just
important information you may want to know."


  1. Concise, cohesive and well-written.

  2. The irrational mind's ability to reconcile contradictory ideas never ceases to amaze me.
    An what's with the families with torches and pitchforks coming to protect you? Is there some context I need to understand that?

  3. One more for the "What...?" file.

  4. It's disappointing not have any ALL-CAPS outrage

  5. I may be a bit new to seeing this sort of thing, but what. the. fuck.

  6. No to worry! Jesus in his infinite mercy, has given us four cheeks to turn!

  7. It's like every internet asshat thinks that as long as you add the disclaimer "this is not a threat", you can change a violent threat into notathreat.

    Sadly, no.

  8. Is there some specific method to help us remember how many cheeks 'they' have? Should we use simple multiplication? Or can you to pray to jesus for exponential cheek growth?

  9. Does he understand we have veterans in our group?

  10. I think this guy is talking about the Utah highway patrol cross ruling yesterday, right? What a great win for the 1st amendment. These things were blatant: 6 feet tall with official state emblems on them.

  11. Important information, let me write that down: "two cheeks." Ok, got it. Anything else?

  12. PF, it reminds of this scene in Talladega Nights:

    Ricky: With all due respect, Mr. Dennit, I had no idea you'd gotten experimental surgery to have your balls removed.

    Mr. Dennit: What did you just say to me?

    Ricky: What? I said it with all due respect!

    Mr. Dennit: Just because you say that doesn't mean you get to say whatever you want to say to me!

    Ricky: It sure as hell does!

    Mr. Dennit: No, it doesn't--

    Ricky: It's in the Geneva Conventions, look it up!

  13. Somebody needs to go back to school (maybe still goes there?) to learn about readability (and subsequent credability in argumentation), by putting a few commas and periods in. All that nonsense in only two sentences...

  14. I do believe we have 4 cheeks. Some of them indeed do need to be slapped.

    This guy (and others) need to pop the dictionary open to "Threat", and "ignorant" too, while they're at it.

    We're not unaware. We're unaccepting.

    And yes, I would defend their freedom to be christians. I'm actually engaged in defending the muslim "controversey" in the wild wild world of facebook, now, with words. I'm sure that's not what this guy had in mind, though.

  15. "When the families come with the torches and pitchforks..."

    ...that must mean it's Halloween!

  16. Klebber wrote:
    "I think this guy is talking about the Utah highway patrol cross ruling yesterday, right? What a great win for the 1st amendment. These things were blatant: 6 feet tall with official state emblems on them."

    I agree. By the way, the Utah crosses are 12 feet tall and six feet wide.

    I've seen in news stories that the suit against Utah was brought by an atheist group from Texas. Maybe this person googled and assumed that you were the party who brought suit?

  17. Tracie says "Does he understand we have veterans in our group?"

    Like Matt?

    I also happen to be a vet.


  18. I guess he figures the only way to honor someone is with a cross. That having some other polyhedron memorial (like say the Washington War Memorial) doesn't do soldiers proper justice? *shrug*

  19. Is this in reference to the 10th circuit appeals court ruling in favor of American Atheists about the memorial crosses? Are you guys even affiliated with them?

  20. Who is "attacking" memorials? Doesn't the writer know that many of our military are not Christians and so a cross would not be an appropriate memorial for them? Does religion make people stupid or are the stupid just disproportionately sucked in by religion?

    Maybe this letter was meant for Fred Phelps-- he seems to be more of a detriment to soldier's memories than any atheist.

  21. I think this guy is talking about the Utah highway patrol cross ruling yesterday

    In case he drops by and reads this. Dude, it might be a god idea to actually state what it is you have a problem with. It's annoying to have to guess.

  22. @articulett: Of course there are no non-Christian soldiers or patrolmen or anything like that. You know why? No Atheists In Foxholes, that's why! Thbbbttt!!!!

    Just like every atheist in the world converts on their deathbed, and Christopher Hitchens is going to learn the Truth of God from his illness. Reality be damned, their Jesus-Sense tells them it's true! So it doesn't matter how many servicepeople were outspoken non-Christians or outright non-believers and how many died that way, they know far better than anyone else that those people learned the Truth of Christ the moment they were aware of their imminent death and became True Christians (tm) at that moment, because it couldn't be any other way. Could it?

    At least, that's how I imagine they justify it, if not consciously then in the twisted subconscious of their over-Christianized brains.

  23. But guys! This guy isn't a real good christian! Just because he's mean and violent doesn't mean that Christianity is wrong! Jesus was such a good guy and preached only forgiveness and love! He had a potential infinite numbers of cheeks! SEEK THE SOURCE.

    I really can't read this letter in any other voice than Uncle Rukus from Boondocks.

  24. WWJT: Who Would Jesus Threaten? Gotta love seeing religion bring out the best in people.

  25. @Kari


  26. Oh funny would it have been if Mel Gibson's call to hiw wife ended with a suddenly calm and pleasant "this is not a threat just
    important information you may want to know"

  27. Ah... so the self-righteous letter writer is confusing The Atheist Experience with the American Atheists --And playing the martyr card. Figures.

    This would not be an issue if Christians didn't ask for privileges they'd never allow for those of another faith. If they wouldn't want a 12 foot Jewish Star or Statue of Buddha or Scientology Symbol on public property to honor a dead person of that faith... then they shouldn't demand their own giant tacky religious symbols (with UHP's beehive symbol) on public property either.

  28. Hehe, loved the title.
    Oh, yes, this was the information I ALWAYS wanted to know. As I'm going to hell, because, as a friend stated, some of my prayers weren't fulfilled and I became an atheist, hell awaits! BTW, not a threat, just something I always wanted to tell to myself.
    God is love, isn't he?

  29. I wonder if the writer ever served in the military or as a piece officer. It sometimes seems that these memorials mean more to those who never served.

    I know that at least three members of the board of the ACA would not their military service memorialized with an instrument of torture.

    As long the author keeps alternating he can keep turning the other cheek forever. I somehow doubt that "take two hits then kick ass" was the intent of the biblical Jesus. Of course I might have misinterpreted the "good book".

  30. I'm sure there are athiest highway patrol officers, even in Utah. You don't have to use a cross to memorialize someone. Last time I drove through Arkansas, there were stretches of highway named for fallen officers. It was a simple roadsign naming the road, not some giant cross.
    I get sick of people thinking athiests don't serve the community or country. When I was in the navy, my dogtags read "no relg pref." There is an option for that when filling out the paperwork, so that is the box I checked.

  31. I could have sworn that people were supposed to be memorialized at graveyards rather than by giant crosses on the side of the road. Should everyone have a cross on the side of the road? Wouldn't that get a little crowded? Sign me up for a twelve foot cross on the side of the road!

  32. I have the right to be an idiot? Sweet!
    You know those giant crosses are denying some village somewhere of important dental hygiene instruments...

  33. It's like every internet asshat thinks that as long as you add the disclaimer "this is not a threat", you can change a violent threat into notathreat.

    You'd think the fact they even need to contemplate writing that disclaimer, would suggest a rewrite was in order.

  34. Wasn't "No Relg Pref" a spell in Ultima?

  35. @George from ny
    I can't say, I never played that one. I missed quite a bit of game culture in the 90's, but I've played many games since Pong. I still have an Intellivision. Remember those?
    Maybe Glasser (Kazim) would remember. Speaking of whom, is Kazim pronounced "kazeem" or like "chasm?" Chasm would be funny.

  36. You know what would bug me as a vet is that laziness of this 'memorial'. A religious symbol t hat's easily made by wood that any pleb can make. Yeah, thanks you really put a lot of effort into that. How about next time actually commissioning some of our nations very talented artists to make a real memorial?

  37. @vallwarrior

    Goign by how they pronounced it on the Non-Prophets, it's "Kazeem".

  38. And Phil Plait stands around telling *us* not to be dicks!

  39. Only Christians (OK, other believers too to be honest) can make me laugh and annoy me at the same time.

    If I had to take one line out of the Bible and apply it to the believers, I think it would be: "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

    Actually screw that, don't forgive them! I'm all for the Jeff Dee approach of not letting them go off easy when they make their little threats. (Of course, that email was only a "Christian insult" from the believer and clearly not open to discussion.)

  40. He forgot two cheeks...

    Well, unless of course hsi ass what shot off.

  41. I think Ing is right. It is the lazy way to do it. My opinion is that being a "believer" is the lazy way to go, and it's hard to keep the lazy from affecting other aspects of your life.
    For instance the cut and paste change from "creationism" to "ID." Also most of the arguments are used over and over instead of actually thinking of new ones.
    Those cheap roadside memorials are just an excuse to shove a cross in your face.

  42. Damn, "enter" does not = preview. I was gonna thank Lukas. Kazeem does have a nice prince of persia sound to it so if his toon is olive complected probably appropriate. I still think chasm is funny.

  43. "For instance the cut and paste change from "creationism" to "ID."

    That's literally what they did in Of Pandas and People.


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