Courtesy my bud Chris Conner, I am made aware of the company Food for Life Baking Co., Inc.
They name their products after Biblical verses, and I believe I've seen their Ezekiel 4:9 bread at the grocery stores.
So what's wrong with this? Oh, nothing. Free enterprise and all that. But it does make for a gloriously funny example of what happens when you quote-mine the Bible. Ezekiel 4:9 itself is fairly benign, and sounds exactly like the sort of thing organic foodies would love.
Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself...
Now that's not all of 4:9, of course, but it's all Food for Life sees fit to quote. But the amusing part happens if you read on in Ezekiel 4. It gets, er, a little weird. And gross. Have a look at Ezekiel 4:9-17. As they say, context is everything.
Now, there are hints that Food for Life may very well have baked their bread according to God's command. After all, they take care to mention how it was baked "from freshly sprouted organically grown grains" (emphasis added)...and they recommend you "try it served warm to release its exceptionally rich nutty flavor."
Yeah, that's enough for one day.
I used to eat that bread. It's quite good. But when I checked on the biblical source, I LMAO. Not only is this bread to be cooked over shit, the bread is a form of punishment! Krazy Kristians.
ReplyDeleteI also like this section because it has Ezekial cutting a deal with God, and getting him to change his mind. So I gues God has free will too.
FWIW, it's talking about using human dung as the fuel source for baking (as opposed to cow dung), not as an ingredient. Which is still pretty disgusting, but not like a shit sandwich.
ReplyDelete@curt, yeah, but the shit-cooked bread is STILL a form of punishment, so IT'S NOT A GOOD THING.
ReplyDeleteChristians have serious cognitive problems, really. How can you read that, pick it as the slogan for your product, and think it's a good idea?
Obviously they know no one reads their bible
ReplyDeleteCurt, think about it this way. We BBQ with exotic woods because they add certain flavors. How do you suppose that affects bread, cooked in the smoke of burning human or even cow shit? I will pass. It was also pointed out that this was a punishment. These guys are selling it as organic food from god, raving about how it contains a 'balance of all the essential amino acids' which was clearly not gods goal in the story.
ReplyDeleteAny veterinarian will tell you that when it comes to feces, you would much rather deal with that of an herbivore than that of a carnivore... still, I'll pass on the punishment bread, thanks.
ReplyDelete@Mauro - easy, they know that Christians don't actually *read* their holy book, so they happily quote mine away!
ReplyDeleteI thought about making a "2 Jews 1 Loaf" joke. Then I thought I'd probably go to hell for it.
ReplyDeleteDo you think, "Baked over cow dung in the proscribed Biblical manner" could be used as a selling point?
ReplyDeleteCorrection sorry hadn't had my tea yet.
ReplyDeleteDo you think, "Baked over cow dung in the prescribed Biblical manner" could be used as a selling point?
Doc wrote:
ReplyDelete"Curt, think about it this way. We BBQ with exotic woods because they add certain flavors. How do you suppose that affects bread, cooked in the smoke of burning human or even cow shit?"
I agree it's disgusting and I said that already. I was just pointing out that the shit was not an ingredient of the bread.
I think we atheists should be careful when pointing out crazy stuff in the Bible, to make sure we get it right. Otherwise, believers will take any error and use that as a reason to dismiss everything you say.
@Martin
ReplyDeleteHoney, that ship has LONG since left harbor
@Martin:
ReplyDeleteIf that's the only punishment, I'd say you're safe to make the joke.
Curt
ReplyDelete"I think we atheists should be careful when pointing out crazy stuff in the Bible, to make sure we get it right. Otherwise, believers will take any error and use that as a reason to dismiss everything you say."
I think we are very much on track pointing out this is a punishment, even if we yuck it up over the poo references. Poo jokes never get old. There are layers of reading even the title of this thread for example. Shit sandwich thought of in reference to Israel in the original story for example.
Funny that you didn't link to this excellent video by Non Stamp Collector that treats the topic at hand.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CFbwqyZQF0
Oh yeah, it's fun how sometimes there is no need of irony, you just have to show Christians (and not only) what they really believe...
ReplyDeleteSo first you have flesh crackers.
ReplyDeleteThen blood wine.
And now sh*t sandwiches?
I should convert to christianity just for the food.
Oh you guys..
ReplyDeleteGod let him cook it over cow feces so he WOULDN'T defile himself. So it's part of a ritual, not a punishment. All YOU have to do is a little more then you did in the Bible.
Wow, I guess human feces was more flammable in the Olde Dayes? That's where the phrase "smoke a turd in purgatory" comes from.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a great selling point.
ReplyDeleteI mean, to us it's a pretty huge turnoff, I never want to eat anything that was cooked in sh*t. But we have to keep in mind that Christians don't think like us, their view of "rational" is thinking if the Bible says that itself is the Word of God then it must be true. So to a Christian this might be a great way to get them to buy their bread, saying it was cooked in Holy Sh*t or something.
Most Christians haven't read the Bible anyway though, so they just see a verse and think they should buy it. Kind of like how the 5 year old wants the macaroni and cheese box with Barney on it.
Yeah, I've always been a little put-off by finding a Bible verse on bread, simply because I have no idea what the baker is trying to convey. It's as if, by buying his bread, I'm accepting his implied premise that the Bible is wise and meaningful as opposed to being an appalling document that has led to the persecution and murder of millions upon millions of people.
ReplyDelete