It’s moderate atheists’ job to speak nicely to theists and get them to hear the message, but it’s the militant atheists’ job to get the moderates out of the closet and active. Do they scare away some theists entirely? Probably, but those are most likely the most unchangeable anyway. And it still doesn’t outweigh the need for angry atheists and their “rudeness”.
Of course the two styles are both very familiar to me. The first is The Atheist Experience, and the second is The Non-Prophets.
Edit: Updated to include a link to the original post in the first sentence.